Strength in what remains behind ourinsecurities
JANNA,18 Aaron Beatrice Caihong Cally Daniel Denise Eliz Ferlin Hongwei Janice! Queenie! Rusydi SiewYee Tse Lin Credits ©Glamouresque.	Tuesday, August 28, 2012 Motivation? Time to start dieting and working out? I wish the people I used to gym with were here with me! I MISS U GUYS SO MUCH IM GETTING FAT. hahaha no kidding. Should I..........? Why not eh She's so hot!! I should stop eating Tim Tams and cupcakes............. Nah hahahaha I need some goals or sthg Tuesday, August 07, 2012 I HOPE U LIKE MY LETTER MR DEAN Basically very flowery words that all points to a single main factor: I AM TOO STUPID FOR THE COURSE. DUH. I still dont understand the need for writing a letter, complete waste of time! To: Faculty of Science, Associate Dean (Academic) Dear Sir/Mdm I am an international student who just started classes in UQ this Semester 2, 2012. BIOL 2202, Genetics, had been my elective course of choice at the beginning of this semester. It was a main point of interest for me, and I also felt that it would be an added advantage to take a related Science elective. However, I was concerned after reading the course profile as it stated that BIOL1020 was a prerequisite for BIOL2202, and I did not have that foundation. Instead, I would be taking both courses simultaneously this semester. After seeking advice from a faculty member and given reassurance that this course of action was appropriate, I went ahead and signed on for BIOL2202 classes. Despite attending all the lectures regularly, revising with Lectopia, and reading extra material on concepts I do not understand, I found myself struggling to understand the course’s content. I was determined to continue and complete the course by putting in extra effort to compensate for my lack of fundamental knowledge, which I believe is the main attributing factor in my case. However, the defining moment came when even after all the hard work, I was unable to do the sample MCQ questions posted by the course coordinator, Mr James Fraser, on the evening of 3rd August 2012. Arranging a consultation appointment with Mr Fraser had been an option I was contemplating, but I decided against it as there were simply too many key concepts I could not comprehend, and the time frame was realistically impossible to work within. I started to weigh the pros and cons of investing a significantly larger amount of time in an elective as compared to my core modules. Evidently, the disadvantages heavily outweighed the advantages. Hence, with a heavy heart, I have decided to switch courses as I predict a detrimental outcome on my academic performance if I do not do so.  After researching on various courses provided by UQ, I found myself being drawn to the School of Human Movement’s course on Health and Fitness through Diet and Exercise, NUTR1023. Understanding how the body responds to different classes of food and evaluating different diet schemes, including how exercise can optimize an individual’s health, is a rather refreshing course to take apart from Science courses. Thus far, I have missed out on 2 lectures, adding up to a total of 4 hours. No assessments or practical sessions have been carried out yet. In order to catch up with the course’s pace, I intend to listen to the Lectopia recordings and read the notes in detail, clarifying any uncertainties or doubts with the course lecturers. Approval as a late addition to this course has already been given by the course coordinator, Mr Michael Leveritt, and practical sessions have also been arranged. I look forward to an early favourable reply so that I am able to gain access to the materials on Blackboard and get up to speed with my peers. Sincerely, Janna Tay Lin Hui 42948362 Saturday, August 04, 2012 As long as you love me Friday, August 03, 2012 Brisbane at 4.1 I think this has become a place of solace where I come to seek comfort. Tis strange I know, but it's true. Writing gives me some kind of comfort when things are going crazy. I guess you could say writing stays as a constant for myself, since young all I've ever know is writing. Diary clubs, Foolscap scribblings, Journals, Notes, Xi Zi, anything to do with writing, I have a strange sort of attraction to. Not to say I excel in them, but I like to do them. I've been in Brisbane for exactly 20 days. Things haven't been as I expected, but what do you expect? Nothing goes as expected. So don't expect anything. Tryna confuse some minds here hahaha. Things have been........ Rather draining. Very draining actually. I really do think I'm losing part of me. Like part of who I am, because the people who simulate that part of me aren't here :( I've been thinking everyday...... Is this a wrong choice? But there's nothing to compare this to, and even if there is,no right or wrong exists. I've been dying a little inside everyday (no kidding ley), and the only thing I look forward to is cell group meetings on tue evenings (which happened twice only so u can see how gloomy things look). I am having this massive problem, which is very foreign territory to me- making new friends. Okay, Im not like some popular/high profile/everyone wants to be seen with kid, but I have no problems striking up a conversation with either a group/another individual. Individual preferred because groups stress me out, u feel judged by more people than just one. And even with my 19+ years lifespan of making friends, I am struggling here. I am majorly struggling. Then I start questioning if I am just anti-social (because I've never rly liked to extensively make new acquaintances and I prefer for people not to notice me) and if I will never be able to make friends for the rest of the 2 years. It's been 2 weeks in school, all alone, and I am dying. A whole day can pass without me conversing with anyone until evening 6+ when my flatmates return home. Tutorials, you need to start soon so I can make friends T.T I am sorry for repeating this here guys (because the ones reading this will probably already know of my issue), but its like I need to vent and express my frustration somewhere. I rly start questioning if I have some major issue- maybe psychologists should have me be their experiment subject for a project called Isolation 101, where they study the depressing/sucidal (dont worry guys Im not at that stage) behaviours of an ostracized individual. Really just praying for supernatural strength from Him each day, to pass the days. Somedays I just don't even turn up at lectures and lectopia from home. 2nd week nia already like that?! HOW SIAH Okay but it's not as bad as I make it out to be la. It's just really not what I expected but I really shouldnt have expected anything in the first place. I thought that a new environment would be good and since I am young that I should experience the world more if not in future when I grow old I would be sitting on my rocking chair regretting not stepping out to experience life. But right now, I DONT WANT TO EXPERIENCE ANYTHING T.T I WANT TO STAY IN MY COMFORT ZONE. I want to return home to the people I love so badly :( I am so annoying I feel like slapping myself  :( Maybe time is the key. It's the key to alot of things. I do hope so. Things have been getting better this 2nd week as compared to the 1st, so Im sure it can only go uphill :) *inserts positive thinking* And I used to think that a new environment equates to 1. New identity 2. Better grades But now, I don't even know. We shall see. Okay I shall be less depressing and present to you the sights of Brisbane (which is honestly just these few because BNE is so damn boring I am sorry Australia, you guys need to OPEN TILL LATER LIKE NORMAL COUNTRIES DO) Anyone wants to visit? Come come This hill is more deadly than it looks One of those rare nights with activities on going and playing life sized connect 4! School (which is more photogenic than it really is) Okay goodnight guys much love Tuesday, July 03, 2012 waaaaaaaaaaaaazzaa An hour + ago a random spurt of adrenaline decided to hit like a tsunami. I felt like dancing hysterically to Benny Benassi- Satisfaction/ FloRida- Move Shake Drop (just different mixes although it was originally Benny Benassi's but FloRida's has more lyrics and less (I dont know what to call it) bufferr? in between ). So I did. And it was sad and sorry sight. Sorry neighbours- if you were spying on me through my window, that's retribution! Then I proceeded to lift my untouched (in a million years) weights and did some cardio. Reminded me of the old days I actually had some discipline to work out and diet. Sprawled on the floor listening to She Doesn't Mind- Sean Paul on repeat and now I need to go and bathe siannnnnnnnnn :( Transformation into a couch potato begins from the 12th July onwards hahahah I'll return a couch potato! Over-stuffed from studying and eating too much. Danggg. But for now, let me soak in feeling gooooooooooooooood. Sunday, June 24, 2012 ahhhiya I don't like all these pretense. Its necessary I do dig, but its totally beyond me. I'm anti social I say liao why must changing environments be such a constant :( mental breakdown roar like a lion screech like a hyena holler like a gwen stefani Tuesday, June 19, 2012 twentyeahhhh (Ah sorry some major problem with the internet or sthg, I don't know but I cant upload pictures maybe another day! For now just insert the appropriate pictures in the appropriate areas yourself hehe) Happy 20th birthday dardar! How does it feel being through 20 years of life? In a couple of months time I'd be joining the gang, wait for me guys! Actually no, I have zero desire to turn 20 and exit my TEENs :( Anw I hope you had a great day despite us NOT doing ANYTHING. Damn, I think there's a spell my room/house casts on people who enter. It's called the "cannot-leave-and-nua-the-whole-day" spell. I love you girls tons, nothing changes :) In a couple of weeks (counting down to the 12th of July) I'll be leaving on a jetplane off to a foreign land for a very extended period of time (actually ok la 2 years isnt long at all). It's not like I'm CONTEMPLATING to go because everything's done and fixed. No backing out. BUT I won't cause I'm not humji kia! :D How do I feel about it? Well........ I don't. I don't feel anything. Yet? Maybe when I enter the departure gate, turn and see people waving bye (or according to my darlings: popping champange to celebrate my "good riddance") HAHAHAH please la you girls will be bawling la hor XD The main purpose for my visit today (LOL) is to blog about a pressing society issue. Do note that I am just expressing my views and comments and I am not implying that this has to apply to every individual. What I feel is: Why on earth do so many people feel the need to impress others? To constantly compare themselves to others? Why is there such a strong need to appeal to people, and in the midst of it lose yourself? Damn baby who cares what others think of you?! What does it matter that people don't think you are beautiful/hot/cute/chio/attractive? Do you live to please others? How is it possible to make everyone happy? Since it's impossible then why bother right? Everyone is beautiful in their own way (not saying this just because, but I truly believe in this), so why conform to society's norm of being gorgeous. Why conform? Shit talking about this makes me agitated. Do we all want to look and behave the same? What exactly is beauty anyway? It has always been beyond any understanding, beyond any equation or formula. How exactly do you define beauty? If only beauty could be attained by following a step to step guidebook. If beauty is so subjective and based so majorly on individual preference, is there really nothing constant in beauty? I'm here to BLOW YOUR MIND and tell you. THERE INDEED IS A FORMULA TO BEING BEAUTIFUL. There is a constant factor that once obtained, is definitive of beauty to EVERYONE. That is..................... Inner genuine beauty- no pretense. So simple? Yet so difficult.